Sometimes a girl needs a blog

Everyone wants a piece

2010-11-18T18:16:00.004-06:00

So Fridays are my one day with Piper, my reward for working Monday through Thursday and barely having two hours with her between when I collect her from daycare and when she goes to bed. My make-up time, if you will. And I feel like I deserve them.

My problem is, not many people have the same desire to treat my Fridays as a holy day. People want to plan things, to stop by, to schedule appointments. Occasionally, if forced, I make an exception. But it's a slippery slope. Because let's face it, there's always good reason to see me on a Friday. A pressing reason. A reason why Saturday or Sunday wouldn't work as well. If I start to give up my time on Fridays, it's like leaking a drop of blood in an ocean of sharks.

My need to protect my Friday time with Piper is so strong. But how do I defend it without seeming like an inflexible witch? Does it make sense to anyone else out there that I'd want this world - this world that keeps monopolizing and sucking away my precious, precious time with my beautiful baby girl - TO LEAVE ME ALONE ON FRIDAY????????

No seriously. I'm asking???

Stinker

2010-11-03T13:10:00.006-05:00

No, not Piper, although every once in a great while she can be a little stinker :) It's me. Lately I stink as a blogger, and I'm not sure that I can recover. Life is so full - I worry that I won't ever have time to blog again. Which is so sad because I love it and miss it! I'm torn - should I give up now and let it go? Or keep trying (and most likely failing miserably?).

I started a blog about Piper that's for our family to keep up on the happenings with the little munchkin. But I do think it'd be healthy to continue to have a blog of my own, since I still have an identity outside of just being a mother. Except that, let's be honest. Right now I don't. I work from home, four long days. Then Friday through Sunday I spend as much time as possible with Piper and run around doing all the things that running a household, being a wife and being a mom involve. Not to mention being a friend, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, etc. There's not time left over to define myself as an individual independent of someone else. And certainly no time to be interesting.

And maybe I'll never have that time again. But, maybe I will. I'm not sure. So for now, if you ever check this blog, I can't promise anything dramatic. But if you hang in there, I may be able to deliver a grown-up blog again someday :)

Wishing the day away

2010-09-27T08:48:00.000-05:00

I know this is probably silly, but here is my fear after dropping Piper off today: what if she isn't as happy anymore now that she has to go to daycare? Will she still be the same smiley, giggly, girl who loves waking up every morning? I just LOVE that she's such a happy baby - confident, easy going, energetic and aware. What if this changes her in some fundamental way?

Drop-off actually went okay this morning - Piper looked uncertain, and her lower lip jutted out a few times, but there were two other kiddos there who were keeping her occupied and I didn't hear her cry as I left...?

How long do you think I need to wait before I call and find out how she's doing?

4:30pm can't come fast enough.

Bye Bye Mommy

2010-09-26T22:26:00.001-05:00

First day of daycare tomorrow - Piper's bag is packed, we're ready to go. Hubs read "Bye Bye Mommy" to Piper tonight, a book about getting dropped off at daycare (I can't even read it - it's too upsetting). I'm so sad. I know it's not that different - I've had family caring for Piper but I've been back to work for six weeks. Still, I've been home and she's been home. Tomorrow I'll be home and she'll be someplace else and that breaks my heart. My plan was to keep Piper out of daycare for as long as possible, but I think I waited just a little too long. Last week - just last week - she started getting separation anxiety. I can't even bear to think of her crying when I leave her tomorrow. I know, I know, I'm not - by far - the first to go through this, and I won't be the last. But I'll have a tough day tomorrow all the same.

Broken promises

2010-09-23T23:43:00.003-05:00

I know, you aren't going to believe me when I promise that now, finally now, I'll become a better blogger - the type of blogger I used to be. You know, one who actually - dare we say it? - blogs. But I promise I will! I think I've jumped a hurdle this week. The last of my family has left, after 6 weeks. I'm sad, of course. They were here to take care of Piper, and in the process - because they're awesome - they took care of us too. Cooking, cleaning, organizing, letting us nap. Letting us run out to the gym. Letting us do those things you no longer take for granted after having a baby, like showering. But the only positive is that now we've been forced to begin our normal routine, and it's one that we'd been putting off. And since we'd been putting it off, naturally I built it up in my mind as the worst transition i'd ever have to go through.

So far, it's not. This week, my MIL began her two days per week of daycare. Piper will go to daycare on Mondays and Tuesdays, and my MIL will come to the house on Wednesdays and Thursdays. We haven't started taking Piper to daycare, but this week we had my MIL come Wednesday and Thursday. And it was actually really good! HUGE sigh of relief. Because of course I'm home all day, working. Which adds another dimension to all this. But things went smoothly. Piper cries a little bit more with her than she does with me, but my MIL adores her and quickly distracts her with cuddles, toys, and an endless stream of genuine smiles of delight. Piper warms up to that kind of treatment quickly :)

Monday is our last big transition - daycare. We go to the daycare tomorrow to drop off paperwork and have C meet Piper. Then we get the weekend to fret about what dropoff will be like. And then, Monday at 4:30pm, it's over. And we begin the process of settling into our permanent routine.

Luckily, we have a lot to look forward to. Piper's baptism. Halloween. (I already have themed outfits for her to wear each day the week leading up to Halloween!). Thanksgiving with Mookie and B in Missouri, then Christmas with my sis, my nieces, and my mom in Austin. Now that my maternity leave is done I actually get vacation time again - and I plan to take it! So the next several months will be filled with my side of the family. And my mom will probably come again this winter for an extended stay to once again watch Piper (and watch over Piper's mom).

Speaking of Piper... she's amazing. She's the best kid ever! She's been sleeping through the night recently, she laughs and smiles and loves to cuddle with her mama. She's discovering her hands. Nothing makes me happier than spending time with my little angel. I couldn't adore her more. Yet every day I, even though it hardly seems possible, I do :)

So that's the news. And now that things are more settled, I plan to blog more. Unless you have a death wish you're most likely not holding your breath. But maybe I'll surprise you...

All's well that ends well

2010-08-16T21:21:00.002-05:00

Two pumps were hand delivered to my door no less than 40 minutes after my pump left me high and not so dry. By a husband no less. Friends (especially friends who live close and just switched to formula) are good to have. And it was priceless to have the husband telling me "Now this is the letdown button..."

Stress is

2010-08-16T18:30:00.001-05:00

your breast pump breaking at the end of your workday when you're really really needing to pump before a conference call. And by the time the sh*t hits the fan you don't have time left to run down and feed your baby, who's right downstairs and could totally help you out with this. There are so many things that hurt about this situation.

Raining cats and dogs

2010-08-10T17:24:00.001-05:00

It's a good day to be working from home, watching the storm out the big windows in our study and not having to drive home in this mess.

But it's been really hard to hear Piper crying downstairs and not be able to go to her. Of course, with all this thunder I can't hear her now :) Poor little smidge is having a bit of a tough time adjusting to not having her mama around. Now, adjusting to the bottle? Piece of cake. Which hurts my boobs' feelings a tiny bit! I worry soon she won't want to nurse at all :( I hope not, but she impatient enough that it just could be the case...

Appreciating conveniences

2010-08-10T11:31:00.001-05:00

Thank goodness for hands-free pumping bras, is all I have to say.
Multitasking at its best.

Transitions

2010-08-09T22:04:00.001-05:00

Made it through my first day back to work (well, working from home).
Only cried once. Feel like have survived war. Need lots of Piper
snuggles and a bubble bath.

Always playing catch-up

2010-08-06T13:42:00.003-05:00

Where to begin? The problem with being a bad poster is that then, once you do finally get around to posting, you have no idea where to start.

Piper is two months old on Monday! HOW? She's doing great, smiling more and more every day and becoming more interactive and alert. She's amazing.

I start back to work on Monday. There's a lot going on with work, and some big potential developments there but I'll say more if and when I have something to say.

One thing I can say with certainty: I should have taken 3 months off.

Too late now.

But B comes in on Sunday, and will take care of Piper this week. Then my mom comes the following Sunday for a month. Then my sis C for another week, and then Hubs is taking a week's vacation to be with Piper. So she'll be at least 3.5 months before she goes to her two days of daycare a week. God, daycare. I can't imagine it. That will be another difficult transition, even though I love our daycare provider and it's only two days.

On Saturday our friends have decided the whole group needs an adult night out, no kids. This, once we finally have a kid and no babysitter in sight as my MIL is out of town and I'm not about to leave her with someone who isn't family - yet. So Hubs will represent. But it's too bad - I could probably use an adult night out!!!

I'm sure there's a lot more to say, but I'm too tired to think of it right now :)

Where is the moment we needed the most

2010-07-26T14:39:00.004-05:00

I'm sitting at Starbucks. When we first arrived here, Piper had an explosive dirty diaper -casualties were a cute froggy onesie, a baby blanket, and Miss P's cool. We went into the bathroom to clean her up and you'd never believe she could scream so loud for such a pint-sized little thing. It echoed off the walls and I swear the baristas must have thought I was torturing her in there.

For two nights straight over the weekend Piper didn't sleep at all. We'd introduced the bottle and she sucked in so much air she was full of gas, and thus full of fuss. Poor thing. We finally found a bottle that works for her, so last night she mercifully got a little rest. I'd been spoiled - before this bad patch she'd been sleeping through for about 6-8 hours at a stretch.

At her last peds appointment Pipes did okay - she hit the minimum weight gain for the time between visits so while the NP had hoped for more, I was just happy she was within the 'normal' range. But we're still working on getting her to eat more often throughout the day.

As for me, I'm just desperate to eat a hot meal with two hands. I'm hoping that now that the bottle thing has been addressed Piper will be more amenable to being put down. My arms ache from carrying her around for the past 48 hours.

Our home appraisal came in where we wanted it to given the state of property values in this economy, so we're happy about that. Of course, our air conditioner was on the fritz last weekend at the tail end of a heat wave and then this past Saturday night our garage door spring busted with one of the cars stuck inside. The repair man came out this morning and put a temporary fix in place while he ordered the required part, allowing me to get out of the house and procure some much needed caffeine. Lately I feel like my life (at least my life as it relates to major homeowner issues) could be the video for the Daniel Powter song Bad Day.

Harbingers of death

2010-07-17T15:15:00.006-05:00

You may remember the baby birds of last summer. Or the bunnies of the summer prior. If you don't, I'll cut right to the chase: Hubs and I have a nasty way of inadvertently tearing apart animal families while trying - and failing miserably - to be helpful.

This year the tradition continues. With a turtle.

Out on a family walk, we passed a turtle who appeared to be stuck in a very random patch of mud. It was kicking its back legs but wasn't getting anywhere. I pointed it out to Hubs, instructing "Help that turtle! It's stuck!"

"I'm not sure we should..."

"HUBS! Help it! It needs help!"

He seemed hesitant, but then lifted the turtle out of the mud for relocation. At which time he noticed the eggs she was working on burying.

"She's burying her eggs," he said sadly. "I had a suspicion that's what she was doing."

"WHAT? What? What do you mean? You did? I didn't even know turtles lay eggs!"

He nodded regretfully. "They do."

"Oh no! Oh no! Put her back! Put her back in the mud!"

Hubs shook his head. "I think it's too late..."

"No, no! It's not too late. Put her back!"

He tried to place the turtle back in the mud, but she ran (okay, she crawled - painfully slowly) back toward the pond we were walking past.

"Try it again!" I insisted.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh, no! No, try again Hubs! Put her back and we'll hurry up and walk away and she'll realize she doesn't have to be scared of us!"

Hubs stood firm. "No, I'm just going to leave her alone now."

"Well, maybe we should cover up the eggs for her? That way when she comes back they'll be safely buried?"

Hubs was already pushing the stroller along the trail ahead of me. "I think we've probably done enough."

"Aw, crap. Why does this always happen to us?"

"I think it's usually your fault."

"Yeah. I need to start watching The Animal Planet."

"It's just Animal Planet. Not The Animal Planet."

"Really?"

"Obviously you have a lot to learn."

Do real grown ups say 'oops'?

2010-07-16T14:26:00.002-05:00

Life with Piper is surprisingly... normal. It's so new, but at the same time it feels like we've been doing this forever. I can't remember ever not having this tiny extension of myself. It will be interesting as she grows into her own little person! She's definitely willful and impatient, traits she got from her mama. But she's also a fantastic sleeper, which is a gift from my side of the gene pool as well.

We probably could have approached maternity/paternity leave with fewer aspirations though. Our project list is a large part of what's caused us stress. Wanting to get a lot done with a new baby is a recipe for chaos. But at the same time, Hubs and I were so rarely home beforehand that this is the most natural time to start crossing things off our to do list.

That being said, in hindsight I can see we should have done a few things differently. Case in point, Wednesday night we set about the project of installing new shelves in the living room. At around 8pm. While preparing for a home appraisal the following morning. Not. Smart.

You're wondering how this stroke of genius played out? Well, we got to bed the following morning around 3am. One shelf installed, a large framed print hung next to it covering the six new holes in the wall that resulted from attempting to install shelf #2. All four members of the household very unhappy. You might even say on the verge of breakdown. (Okay, Piper and I were the only two breaking down, but the men of the house were certainly cranky to say the least!)

While Hubs fought with the shelves I'd gone outside to pull the weeds along the driveway, wanting the overall first impression of our home to be favorable. It was beyond dusk, and the mosquitoes were out in full force. I now have no less than twenty ugly red welts covering my body, but it can't be said that I didn't totally take one for the team. And for the record I also smacked down at least five of those hateful blood suckers, so a modicum of revenge was realized.

Anyway, as if our lack of sound judgment in that situation weren't enough, the next day we discovered that we'd positioned our grill too close to the house, thereby melting some of the siding below our bay windows in the back. Which, for us, begged the question, are we just total idiots? Do other intelligent adults do so many stupid things in the course of a few days? Are we incompetent?

I posed these question to Mookie today in a moment of pure self-flagellation. He assured me that learning a few life lessons the hard way was par for the course. He suggested I count myself lucky that we didn't burn down the house as part of our education.

Where does the time go?

2010-07-09T00:29:00.003-05:00

I have been meaning to post forever, but somehow the time slips through my fingers every day. It's been a whirlwind, and Piper is now 3 and a 1/2 weeks old! She's doing great, and we're smitten. Sweet baby girl!

Life has been so busy. Our days are packed with visits from family, friends and coworkers, house projects, errands, not to mention the business of caring for a newborn.

All in all things have gone smoothly. Labor was more painful than I'd expected but went off without a hitch. The first few days afterward were hard but within two weeks I was back to my pre-pregnancy self so my recovery was quick. Piper's had a little trouble with weight gain but nurses wonderfully and sleeps like a dream. We've been a little overwhelmed with visitors but we're hanging in there and are thrilled that so many people are just dying to love this little angel.

Hubs has been home with us for the past month but goes back to work next week, so that might make day to day life more challenging :) In another month my stepmom comes, then my mom will be here for four weeks, then my sis for a week so we'll have non-stop house guests (and extra sets of hands) for a while.

There's so much to say, but it's very late and I'm going to grab some sleep while I can! Hopefully more soon...

Allow me to introduce...

2010-06-25T21:50:00.002-05:00

Piper Collins, born Monday June 14th at 5:24pm, 6 lbs 7 oz, 20 inches

Piper is home, healthy, and doing great. More pictures and details to follow :)

A happier day

2010-06-13T22:19:00.001-05:00

Better day: lunch with friends, swimming at gym, a few errands and some final final nursery prep. Now Hero's desperate for me to come out of the study so a quick post :) Little guy whimpering is too much to ignore.

Can't put my finger on it, but...

2010-06-13T03:32:00.004-05:00

Well, I'm officially done with my tenure in the office - Monday's my first day sans commute! Friday was my last day on site and then I packed up my stuff and got set up at home! I'm very excited!

Especially because (notice the time stamp on this post) I'm experiencing a dramatic change in comfort level. As in, I'm no longer comfortable. I can't even put my finger on it, but I'm tweaky and agitated. I'm nauseous and feel a little flu-ish. My belly (and back) alternately hurts and contracts and my ankles are swollen. I can't sleep. :( I'm due in 6 days and I've finally hit the point where I'm feeling limited. Like, can't keep going the way I have been. Can't keep moving as fast, don't want to bend over, don't want to run errands all day, would rather not be expected to carry on as a functioning, productive human being.

Not sure what any of this means or doesn't mean. But I'm certainly glad I don't have to get up, showered, and dressed for work come Monday morning.

Tomorrow we have some more final decorating pieces to finish in the nursery but mostly it's all done and ready. The hospital bags are (mostly) packed. The plans are (mostly) in order. We have lunch plans with friends and will likely go swimming and other than that hopefully will spend the day watching Heroes on the movie-tron. The problem is the little things that will interrupt the rest - grocery shopping, laundry, a last minute Office Depot run.

Friday night we had late dinner with the in-laws to celebrate a birthday and Father's Day. Today we had thought we'd have an open schedule but ended up running around doing errands and going to pick up a grill (which took hours). So I was very sad that my relaxing weekend so far has not been that at all. I'm really pinning my hopes on a nice calm Sunday.

And a mandatory hospital stay where all I can do is focus on ME and this baby.

All hyped up and no place to go

2010-06-09T09:18:00.001-05:00

Oh my goodness I am brimming with energy. I can't seem to stop or slow down. I feel like I could really use a sedative right about now. My bedtime routine is all out of wack, and yet I still pop out of bed in the morning ready to go. Although now that I'm at work I'm feeling just the littlest bit sleepy...

Tonight we go see our friends D and A's new baby boy! I can't wait!

A new era

2010-06-08T20:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, now I am really getting excited about the fact that as of Friday I will no longer be commuting to work! I can't wait to sit in our sunny office with my Starbucks in my comfy pants - sans uncomfy shoes - and just *relax* while I go about my day. I mean, work will still be work, but it'll be much less hectic. Today at Target I bought a bunch of Ziploc bags on sale and didn't realize until I got home that I won't really need Ziploc bags anymore! No more packed lunches!!! I can just go down to the kitchen and grab whatever I want whenever I want! I can pee in the privacy of my very own bathroom! I can pump in the privacy of my very own... well, wherever I choose to pump!

Hooray!

After our insane weekend I'm finally calming down. Things are almost done now. Friday my work set-up comes home with me and it's done. Well, okay, hours of IT troubleshooting and technical difficulties could potentially follow before all systems are a go for Monday morning, but after all that, it's done. *Sigh*

The giant letter for the baby's first name is painted and ready to get hung up on the wall, our final step to completing the nursery. All of the baby's clothes are washed and folded and organized in her drawers or hung up in her closet. Her pediatrician is picked and the papework is in a folder ready to go to the hospital with us. My bag is mostly packed, and sitting waiting in my closet.

Not a contraction to speak of. No water leaking or gushing out of anywhere. Change is not in the air - at least not yet. So we wait. Which is fine with me - I need a few days to put my feet up :) And I'd really like to make the transition to the home office before all hell breaks loose. I will be sad if something happens before Friday. But once my trunk is full of company property and the final transition has been made, bring it on!

(I know, I know, I'm still not quite getting that nothing in my life anymore is dictated by my preferences or time table...)

Back to status quo

2010-06-07T11:22:00.001-05:00

Don't get me wrong here, I'm *thrilled* to be working from home starting... gulp... next Monday! But this past weekend, when I'd thought all we had to do was put some finishing touches on the nursery and pack our hospital bags, ended up involving a full remodel of the home office. Thank goodness for Hubs, who was superman this weekend - in both patience levels and task completion. I can breathe again, we're back to only finish touches in all our household projects :) But boy oh boy, do I need to sleep for 1,000 years!

Despite the fact that I'll miss my coworkers horribly, I'm so grateful to soon lose the commute and gain some precious hours back in my life. And our home office is so sunny and bright!!!

We had another weekly check in at the OB's this morning - nothing new to report.

Puzzle pieces

2010-05-25T23:23:00.003-05:00

New gym with pool we love to soothe aching cankles: check
Requisite 25 pound weight gain: almost check (1 more pound to go.... then... enough already! Can't take any more!)
Weekly OB visits: check, please stop looking at my cervix - it hurts
Nursery almost complete: check
Mom back in country after a month in Germany: check, delivery is an option now
Pack 'n Play set up as crib in bedroom for first few weeks: check
Naughty dog adjusting to presence of Pack 'n Play: check, surprisingly uninterested?
Coveted work from home slot secured: check!!! Bye bye commute! And dress clothes! And showering!

Almost ready now :)

What a difference a week makes

2010-05-18T15:27:00.002-05:00

I'm definitely feeling like we're close(r) to being ready for this baby now. Whew. I was getting worried there for a minute (if you couldn't tell). But it's like suddenly things are coming together and falling into place and we've made great headway on the nursery and have most of what we need. And.. .knock on wood... have a relatively open weekend to tie up loose ends - something that's very hard to come by in the McHousehold.

Hubs took yesterday off work and did a lot to get us moving in this positive direction. I also hit Babies R Us on my way into the office today and that didn't hurt either.

Yesterday our friends went into the hospital for a c-section for their second child and both mom and baby are happy, healthy and doing well. Hubs is going to see them tonight while I'm stuck at work. I wanted to go see them too, but I'm sure this or next week we'll have the chance to bring them dinner and visit their newest addition.

We had our 'friends' baby shower on Sunday - finally a couples one! I think I mentioned in a previous post that we'd just found out the hosts of our shower are pregnant as well! We're so excited for them. I already gave A a bunch of my dresses (maternity and some not) to help expand her 'suddenly none of my clothes fit' wardrobe. I'm looking forward to handing down the rest of my maternity clothes soon...

Clearly, I'm on baby overload :)

So life goes on and things just continue to unfold. It's weird to think that the next set of baby pictures going out through mass email among the friends will be ours!

Wishful thinking?

2010-05-15T12:18:00.002-05:00

Starting our 35th week, I think? A glimmer of hope that I won't be pregnant forever! Of course, that glimmer of hope is combined with a massive increase in levels of discomfort. Suddenly, I'm all sorts of swollen and fat! Wha????? Now I see why people complain about the last trimester. I suppose I should count myself lucky that I only have to complain about the last month of the last trimester, but still...

Now the big question is, will I go early, late, or right on time? Because everyone I talk to (and remember, I talk to people all day long for my work) has a different tale to tell. My hospital bag is not yet packed, am I tempting fate? Or is it ridiculous to think Miss Mini Mac could arrive any day? I don't feel like she's all that ready to vacate the premises, but I suppose you never know.

I'm at work for another hour or so, and then we've got plans to tie up loose nursery ends over the course of the afternoon. Hero's at day camp, so we'll have some peace and quiet to actually make some headway. I can't wait to get that room in order!

In other big news (well, this topic is always big news for me), I'm thinking of switching my gym to a much cheaper option that also has a pool with a much more reasonable schedule. Right now my swim options are more limited than I'm comfortable with. Plus I have two friends that go to this other gym... but I have two that go to my current gym. Hmmm...

I know, if you're a parent you're probably laughing that I think I can even get to my gym once we have the little darlin' in the house. But I work with people around nutrition and fitness for a living. I don't have much choice - I have to walk the walk. Although I have been wondering about getting a WiiFit to workout more at home.

We just found out last night another couple we're good friends with is expecting! How fun! Our kids won't be too far apart. And I can hand down my maternity clothes soon! (I know, if you're a parent you're probably laughing that I think I can even get rid of my maternity clothes that soon after the baby's born.) We're very excited for them, although they're at the 10 week mark and poor A is suffering from morning sickness. I remember those days... If I can't yet hand down my maternity clothes maybe at the very least I can hand down my Zofran :)

15 more minutes at work and then out into the sunshine!

Happy Saturday!

A light at the end of the tunnel

2010-05-14T08:29:00.003-05:00

A metaphorical light, and also a real one - shining from the sky? What's that big round happy ball of yellow goodness up there? I haven't seen it in so long I can't rememeber...

It's Friday! The sun is actually finally shining in Minnesota!!! I have Starbucks, and it's treat day at work so I also have two muffins! And I get to leave an hour early today, so I'm clockin' out at 3pm :)

Things are looking up a little.

Now if only the nursery were finished...

A little better now

2010-05-13T20:38:00.002-05:00

Okay, it's almost Friday. I worked late, which means I get to leave early tomorrow. I met a friend for Thai food and my belly is full and my soul is a little bit soothed. I'm recording Grey's Anatomy and about to take a nice hot bath in some bath salts a coworker made for my baby shower that are supposed to help with swelling or bloating. After my bath, I'm going to crawl into bed with my feet elevated and resting on a heating pad and watch my favorite (and only really) tv show.

Life is hard sometimes, but tonight is finally a few moments of easy.

No one's gonna do it for you

2010-05-13T12:22:00.001-05:00

5 Things I Didn't Know about Pregnancy: My thoughts and advice for anyone who wants it

At about 35 weeks, your ligaments might start to stretch as the baby descends further into your pelvis. This, and not just overall pregnancy weight gain, is what often causes pregnant women to appear to waddle. UNBELIEVABLE PAIN - not chub, it turns out - is the culprit! My OB told me gently, "These are what they call the aches and pains of pregnancy." Yeah, I'd kinda thought that after my award winning morning sickness, I would just avoid those. I've skated along since trimester one. But with 5 weeks to go, my luck is apparently running low...
Having a baby, and having your family be excited about your having a baby, can be the #1 cause of overwhelming stress in your pregnancy. And life. Positive stress? If I'm not being totally self-pitying, yes. The fact that so many people are lined up and ready to love and spoil this little princess rotten is incredibly good fortune for her and for us. But it doesn't mean it's always easy to navigate everyone else's opinions and expectations about your baby. With the operative word being "your."
No one really cuts you a break just because you're pregnant. You still have to work. Hard. And cook and clean. And walk the dog. And attend to your church/community obligations. And make and keep plans with friends and family no matter how exhausted you are or how swollen your cankles. That being said, notice I said "no one cuts you a break." That doesn't mean breaks can't be cut. That means you're your only advocate, so speak up and assert your limits or spend the better part of ten months being disappointed by other people's lack of understanding about how hard it really truly is to bring another life into the world.
You will probably at some point be weirded out by your body, your baby, or both. For example, when her limbs stick out and she moves beneath your skin like an alien. Or when the doc checks your cervix and tells you that she can feel the baby's head with her fingers.
I don't have a 5th thing right now. We had some family drama and were up late last night, and now have very busy rest-of-the-week through the weekend. So if you couldn't tell from my first four thoughts, I'm tired, a little cranky, and in need of a break that I'm not assertive enough to take!!!!!

No rest for the weary

2010-04-28T22:02:00.001-05:00

Back from another consignment sale. Swollen ankles, several great deals... going to fall into bed now...

Accentuate the positive

2010-04-28T08:05:00.001-05:00

This past week(end) has been a very stressful one, with our first formal shower and lots of increased anxiety around getting things done and orchestrating roles for the people involved in this baby project. With Dan and I coming from two very different families, it's a bit of a struggle to manage everyone's expectations and involvement in a way that keeps them, and us, happy and sane. And my focus is definitely moving more toward the us. For the sake of this baby, we need to be calm and centered and ensure that our own needs are firmly met.

On the bright side, admist all this stress we had a great ultrasound yesterday and everything looks perfect! My low-lying placenta has righted itself, so no pre-determined c-section for this mama! It may still happen, of course, who knows? But at least it isn't a given. And the baby looks wonderful - measuring right on target, with a fast/strong heartbeat. She's a mini acrobat, twisting and turning and kicking and punching with gusto. It's actually becoming a little uncomfortable - I can tell she's outgrowing her quarters. Which I also see as a good sign - no need to overstay your lease, little one. Head on out any time after my birthday in May (that's the date by which we plan to be 'ready to go' at any moment, should she decide to come a little early).

So all in all it's been a bad week, with our OB appointment being a happy bright spot in our yesterday. I need to manage my stress better and take better care of myself, so that's what I'm vowing to do now. I just learned of a friend's sister who had her 20 week ultrasound only to learn the baby had no heartbeat, and she's being induced on Friday. It made me realize that we're lucky, and I should start acting like it. If, in order to do that, I need to set firm boundaries to prevent outside stressors from taking over, then so be it. I'll set 'em. I want to be a happy, healthy mama.

Another milestone!

2010-04-24T12:14:00.002-05:00

Everyone measures milestones differently. This isn't a baby milestone, but it's definitely a 'get ready for baby' milestone - we have a crib! And I love it! We found a mint condition crib at a consignment sale for 1/3 the price! It's lovely. It pays to wait in line before the sale even opens, like a crazy person, in the rain :) YAY!

Now we just need the rest of the nursery furniture... but one step at a time. We've got a few more quality consignment sales on the books so we're not sure what we'll find. Our area is ripe with stay-at-home moms, and boy do they know how to do up the sales - both planning them and taking advantage of them. Plus we've got three showers. So I need to be patient, but I can't shake the gut feeling that this little girl is going to come early. And I want to be ready.

Pictures of you

2010-04-23T18:15:00.002-05:00

We get to see our baby girl at our OB appointment this Tuesday. At 20 weeks I had a low lying placenta and they want to make sure it's moved (I'm not even going to start stressing about that since in most cases, from what I've heard, the placenta will have shifted as the uterus grows).

I can't wait to see her! It's been months since we've had an ultrasound. YAY!

I'm trying to think of something, anything, non baby-related to write about, but let's face it - she's all there is right now. Which is probably how it should be.

I have my first baby shower this Sunday.

Oh, wait, I did think of something non baby-related! But crap, I forgot it already! Seriously?! Yup, I did. It's gone. Maybe next time.

Friday!

2010-04-23T11:11:00.001-05:00

I kind of thought Friday might never come this week! But it has! Oh, thank you horrendously stressful and busy week, for FINALLY ENDING!

I've been thinking about bed rest lately. Longing for, is more like it. I plan to work up until I have this baby unless circumstances dictate otherwise, but recently I've decided that if circumstances did dictate otherwise (as early as, say, now) I'd be totally fine with that. My ankles and feet have started swelling. A lot. Like, hello major kankles. Last night I drank plenty of fluid, rested with my feet up before dinner, went for a walk and then finally slept with my feet up in the hopes that I would once again be able see my ankle bones this morning. Success! But short lived success - they are starting to bulge again and it's not even noon. It's the numbing, painful kind of swelling that leaves you aching for the day to end. And, on some days, tearful when it won't come fast enough.

I have to say I've probably gotten off easy up till now. I mean, okay, the first trimester (or at least the first trimester pre-Zofran) was hands down the most miserable physical experience of my life. But post-Zofran, I've had a decent pregnancy. I don't like carrying around extra weight, and I'm exhausted. My back hurts. My clothes don't fit (obviously) and getting dressed for work is a struggle. But other than that, I'm not limited by being pregnant. I can still do most of what I want to do. Maybe I can't bend over quite as easily anymore, but even that, if push came to shove, I could manage.

But I think I'm nearing that stage now, starting the 33rd week, where I'm uncomfortable. And it's mostly the kankles that are doing me in. That and the back pain. So if my doctor told me that she'd prefer I no longer haul my large belly into the office and instead stay at home with my feet propped up, I'd take her up on the offer even though the loose ends aren't yet neatly tied up here at work. I had my meeting with HR yesterday about leave paperwork, so I'm ready to go whenever I get the signal from my doctor or my uterus.

Sadly, my OB just had a baby about five months ago. She worked up until she delivered and then she was back in the office again 4 weeks later. I'm not sensing that she's a sympathetic soul in this department, or that she has a loose wrist when it comes to signing off on disability paperwork. So... how swollen do your kankles have to get before you have a legitimate case? I'm guessing that unless they're accompanied by high blood pressure, I'm SOL...

Hey, stranger

2010-04-22T08:29:00.001-05:00

Last night I didn't get home from a dinner until close to 9pm and Hubs didn't get home from work until midnight. My ankles were so swollen my left foot went numb. Hero work me up throughout the night, perched - as is now his custom - directly on top of my belly. So tired today! Thankfully, this evening both Hubs and I are home - we're desperately in need of some together time. I don't know how we're going to raise a child when we only see each other on the weekends...

Mine? Mine. She's mine, right?

2010-04-21T12:23:00.001-05:00

My biggest struggle with sleep right now is my littlest furry monster friend. Hero has recently taken to coming up to my part of the bed at night and laying directly on my belly. If I'm on my side, he lays on as much of my belly as he can, resting at least part of himself on it, not just against it. If I'm on my back, he lays on top of me. If I'm psuedo on my tummy (as on my tummy as I can get), he lays on my back. He doesn't stay there all night, but leaves periodically and then comes back again. It's hard to stay asleep with fur paws climbing all over you.

I think he thinks I'm cookin' this baby just for him.

Better late

2010-04-20T15:44:00.001-05:00

Just in time for the baby's arrival, we finally got our wedding albums in the mail today!!! 2.5 years after the actual wedding!

There's a story there, but it's long and boring so I'll spare you :)

Getting a grip

2010-04-19T16:00:00.001-05:00

Okay, we have daycare in place! WE HAVE DAYCARE IN PLACE! Should all plans get shot to hell and Miss Mini Mac decide to arrive tomorrow, I would survive it now that we have daycare in place.

I *seriously* need to relax. Talk about spinning out of control. Today was ridiculous. Someone should have tranquilized me.

It's as if M3 knows that something has shifted - she's doing a little dance inside my uterus right now :)

All stressed up and nowhere to go

2010-04-19T13:57:00.002-05:00

Foul mood Monday - I'm a ball of stress. Miss Mini Mac was moving around like crazy this morning and has become noticably still as my level of tension has skyrocketed. Mama's stressed, hunker down and wait out the cortisol influx. I'm so sorry Miss Mini! I hate it when my stress becomes her stress.

Waiting to hear back from first choice for childcare, and doing everything in my power *not* to check my home voicemail every 30 minutes. Please please please please please, I need to have this figured out. Oh, please. Please please please. Do not have filled this spot. Please have liked us enough to take our kid. And please call me soon to tell me you'll take our kid. Please please please.

We have childbirth class tonight. The topic is pain meds during delivery. Fun stuff.

I don't know why sometimes I'm cool as a cucumber and other times I'm out of my mind with anxiety. Today I'm definitely battling the latter. I seriously need to re-center. Right after I call my home voicemail just one last time...

This baby is expected to come in two months to the day. I suddenly feel wildly unprepared.

Two months to go...

2010-04-14T10:28:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, I've been DISMAL about posting. I got so much better for a while! Okay, some quick updates:

Nearing final decision with daycare - yay!
Exciting possibilities on the work-from-home front, but still won't know anything for at least another month at the earliest :(
Showers start next weekend and go through mid-May - fun :)
Started childbirth classes every Monday night - very educational...
Love love love the birthing center where we'll be delivering. Complete with in-house OB and NICU (for those of us who worry).
Feeling great! Ankles are a little swollen, additional weight of belly is feeling a little, well, heavy. But all in all, I'm still able to be quite active and despite an overwhelming sense of fatigue I'm doing very well. My back hurts like nobody's business but I can handle it. So far. The giant exercise ball I balance on at my desk at work is saving my life.
Have finally embraced maternity pants. Still squeeking by in two pairs of regular pants, but my days of working those into my wardrobe rotation are numbered. And not high numbers...
No heartburn yet! Woohoo! By far, my least favorite of the anticipated pregnancy symptoms. Well, okay, the kankles might be my very least favorite, but I've already got those and so would seriously prefer to miss out on the heartburn if at all possible.
Hero's doing well - allergies almost under control, ear infection clearing up, poor little guy has some serious issues to contend with in the spring!
Next project on home improvement/get ready for baby list: transformation of formal sitting room into playroom! Requires installation of french doors to keep little rascal out (not the kid, the furry one...).
Find out in two weeks if low lying placenta has moved - cross fingers. I'd prefer not to require a c-section right out the gate. If it comes to that, so be it. But I'd rather not have it be pre-determined by my placenta.
And most importantly, baby update: she's moving like crazy and is doing great! I'm so excited to see her in two weeks - the one perk of the low lying placenta is that we get to have another ultrasound. I am so enamored with this kid and I haven't even met her yet. She rocks my world, literally and figuratively :)

So as you can see all is well, moving right along. I'll be posting more often now again - just had to get through a busy phase :)

Summing it up

2010-03-20T13:09:00.001-05:00

Line from the movie Jerry McGuire "I'm pregnant and incable of bullshit".

Yeah, I think I am approaching that point. Sadly, we've just started the third trimester.

Sick as a dog

2010-03-01T16:53:00.001-06:00

Hero got loose on Sunday. He was 'missing' for about 15 minutes. During that time, turns out he was in the garage. I eventually found him there, tail-deep in his 40 lb bag of dog food that had been stored on a low shelf (rookie mistake on our part).

He spent most of Sunday throwing up and pooping (the throwing up happened inside, but thankfully none of the pooping did) and repositioning himself from corner to corner in the various rooms of the house groaning in misery and staring at us with sad eyes and a mopey face.

Hubs repeatedly asked him, "You know which bed you're sleeping in, right?" The one you made.

He's better today, for which I'm very thankful. It was horrible to see him so sick, even if he did bring it on himself entirely. Our little glutton.

Eyes wide shut

2010-02-26T13:41:00.001-06:00

My need to nap right now is overwhelming.

Today I called the daycare woman who is coming so so so highly recommended by my therapist. She couldn't talk at that moment, because she was TAKING CARE OF THE KIDS! Do you know how long I've waited to call an in-home daycare provider and hear that they are unable to drum up new business at the moment because they are caring for their charges?

Music. To. My. Ears.

Now THAT'S therapeutic!

2010-02-23T20:26:00.001-06:00

My therapist has offered to share her daycare provider with me. If I were to - in the end - choose to go with this caregiver for our daughter, it will mean my therapist can no longer see me for counseling because of the conflict presented by running into me daily at morning drop-off and afternoon pick-up. But she adores her caregiver and both her kids have been with this woman for years and she trusts her implicitly. She knows how important finding good daycare is, and apparently she doesn't think I need the therapy that badly. Which, to be honest, at this point in my life I don't - it's a nice support, but not necessary. She sees my desperation for finding good care for our baby, and I think she believes the benefits of having that situation resolved will outweigh the negatives of me being booted from her client list. She told me to think about. I'm planning to call her tomorrow to obtain this baby whisperer's digits.

A post in which I whine about being too busy. I know, it's getting old.

2010-02-22T11:29:00.001-06:00

I thought this weekend was going to be bad, and turns out I was right on the money.

Friday night Hubs and I both crashed from having not had a single weeknight that wasn't full to the brim until about 9-10pm. It was nonstop all week, with not a moment of down time. Then Saturday we'd agreed to watch my friend C's kids overnight while they went to a bed and breakfast in town. They desperately needed the break, but sadly so did we. It was a long day and night. We woke up Sunday to a race against the clock to get us both ready for church, home to let the dog out, and keep the kids fed and entertained until C and B returned.

The end result? 5 minutes late to church (not bad at all given the circumstances), several kid meltdowns, several adult anxiety attacks, and a $145 speeding ticket.

Yup, right on the money with the total suckage that this weekend turned out to be.

Sunday we were at various events and services all day and then finally made it home by about 5pm. We took Hero for a walk and then spent the rest of the night in our pjs watching 24. This morning, up and at 'em with an early OB appointment, a bunch of errands, a dog walk, and now I'm headed to the office.

This week's another hellish one. I honestly don't know how long we can keep up this pace. And this is without a baby. I definitely am not one of those people who thrive on being busy all the time, going from one thing to the next without vacant hours in between. How we find ourselves here I don't know, but even more depressing is that I don't see a way out. Must. De-clutter. Life.

Fast.

Surrender

2010-02-19T09:25:00.001-06:00

Last night we hosted a happy hour for Hubs' carpool group - it was very fun! And, if I do say so myself, I made a killer fondue. Yummmmmm.

Thank goodness it's Friday. Busy week, busy weekend, but tonight a little respit before we hit the ground running tomorrow.

So I think I'm finally going to have to succumb next week and break into the maternity pants. They're ready and waiting in my closet, and this morning when I put my regular jeans on I had to lie on the bed on my back to pull on my socks. I couldn't bend down around my belly in my barely-buttoning denim. Uncle. I give.

A little peevishness to start out the morning

2010-02-17T07:49:00.001-06:00

Okay, here is my biggest pet peeve EVER:

(Hopefully I haven't started out another post with that same opening - if I have, disregard because this time I'm serious.)

An ambulance is coming from behind, so like a dutiful citizen you pull over to let it pass. It does, and then the *sshole who's pulled over behind you cuts in front of you to get back on the road just as you're trying (like everyone is trying) to get back on the road. You stupid turd, wait your turn! We ALL had to pull over, and now we're ALL getting back on the road. Don't try to get ahead in a situation where people are carrying on with their lives after taking a moment to pause and do the right thing. WAIT! Life has turns, and you should wait yours whenever possible.

In the moment

2010-02-16T10:24:00.003-06:00

I think the hardest part about having a baby is that not everything can be figured out at once. There's a lot of undecides and wait-and-sees. For example, my maternity leave. Not sure how much time I'm going to take yet. And HR won't meet with me to go over everything and get the process started for another month.

One thing we do know now is that Hubs will take his paternity leave in a 4 week chunk immediately after the baby is born, so we'll be home together as a family for 4 weeks - YAY! I know we'll be sleep deprived and adjusting to having a baby in the house, etc. but it sounds like bliss to me - 4 whole weeks together!!!

Another unknown is the daycare situation. Centers are perfectly willing to sign you up today, but in-home providers are unsure of what their openings will be come late summer/early fall. They tell me it's early to start looking. EARLY?!?! As a planner, I feel months behind on everything!

I'm itching to get the nursery done I think because of all these other unknowns. I want a place that's baby-ready, since I'm not feeling baby-ready right now, I just need to stay in the moment, and know it will all get figured out. Eventually.

Jaws

2010-02-15T18:16:00.002-06:00

I had a wonderful weekend with my husband which reminded me that when we get time together, we're such a great couple! How can we get more time together?!?!?!

We need to reinstate date nights. Quick, before the McNugget makes her appearance.

On a scary note, Sunday morning we took Hero to the dog park and he got attacked by a pit bull! A pit bull! In a pink sweater of all things! (The pit bull, not Hero.) It was terrifying. It's amazing to me that no damage was done, because she was latched onto Hero's face for a good couple of seconds. There was some blood, but no discernible wound. Poor Hero was legitimately freaked out! It was nuts.

Some dogs should not go to the dog park. I won't get into my thoughts on pit bulls because it's complicated, but I will share my thoughts on pit bull owners who are apparently clueless: keep your untrained dog who just happens to have the capacity to be a killing machine at home. I realize we have a little terror of a dog, but the operative word there is little. And lacking the jaw power of a Great White. Neither of which can be said about this she-demon of a pit bull. My bottom line is, the more devastating the damage your dog can do, the more absolutely positive you'd better be that she isn't going to do it before you let her loose in public.

And for the love of all that's decent in this world, don't put her in a pink sweater!

Forward motion, if not exactly progress

2010-02-09T10:58:00.002-06:00

My mom left on Sunday. I was so sad to see her go - it was really so nice having her here. But we had such a great visit that I didn't really feel upset by her leaving. Especially knowing she'll come back once the baby's born, so it won't be too long till I see her next. More than anything I feel blessed to have such a wonderful mom.

On Sunday after we dropped her off at the airport we ran a few errands and then went out for lunch. Back home we did some housework and then watched a few episodes of 24 on dvd from Netflix. It was a good day with Hubs, and that eased the transition to finding myself once again a geographical orphan :)

On the baby front, M3 (Miss Mini Mac) is squirming around like crazy and I love feeling her move! We'll finish part of the nursery this weekend and are resuming the hunt for daycare. In mid-March we visit the hospital where we'll deliver. I found a therapist who deals with pregnancy and postpartum issues (never can be too prepared) and I'm working with her to develop birthing and post-birth, back-at-home plans to keep me sane and healthy. I heart her. We're signing up for child birth classes, even though I don't feel like they'll be particularly helpful. But it's one of those things you do, right?

As for work, I still have no idea how much maternity leave I'll take or what kind of hours I'll go back to and how soon. Big question mark, but knowing I have flexibility there is nice (although in some ways even more daunting). I'm desperate to work at home, but so is most of the office so I have no idea whether or not that'll pan out.

Hero, more than anyone, is having trouble adjusting to my mom leaving. We've had many walks and visits to the dog park to try to compensate for his missing friend, but he's mostly inconsolable.

Just for kicks

2010-02-04T07:57:00.002-06:00

This little girl's moving all over the place! I can feel her a lot now, and even Hubs and my mom can feel her through my stomach. Wild.

The nursery is painted!!!!!! Not decorated in any way, but painted!!!!!! It's not pink, and I feel slightly guilty about that. Not because it's not pink per se, but because it's not pastel. It's dark tan/light brown. Our nursery theme is 'jungle', and pink just doesn't belong in the jungle.

That's Miss Mini Mac to you!

2010-01-29T10:22:00.002-06:00

Turns out we are the proud parents of a gorgeous, healthy, very little girl :)

Barely hanging in

2010-01-28T09:14:00.001-06:00

I can make it. It's just one more day of work and tomorrow I'm off. I can do it. Right?

Last night we met with a woman about in-home daycare but weren't thrilled. The search continues, which is hardly unexpected but you always hope for a miracle - that perfect situation - early on so you don't have to go through the stress, legwork, and unease of the whole process. No miracle yet.

My big plan for the weekend is to paint the nursery with my mom. I am definitely feeling like things need to start getting done in preparation for this baby. I feel behind already. How did that happen?

Today is a really full workday, and a long and stressful one. And tonight I have a church function, and then I can relax. Finally, I can relax. And hopefully make good use of the Lush bath ball that Hubs bought me in Florida. It's supposed to be calming.

It's cold, and I'm so tired. Life has been so busy lately. It really does feel like a ride I want to get off of. I want to sit a round out. Preferably in the bathtub.

It's gotta be the accent

2010-01-26T15:24:00.001-06:00

Funny thing about Hero and my mom: Hero obeys my mom. I'm guessing it's gotta be the German accent, because he really doesn't obey anyone else. That, and the fact that without uttering a word or making a movement, my mom emits a very strong alpha signal. While she's downstairs with him, the laundry basket is left full on the floor, her slippers rest by the sofa, her tea sits on the coffee table. Hero doesn't touch a thing. He might go near the laundry basket, but then he looks up at my mom who looks sternly at him and he instantly retreats. Can you bottle that for us, please?

Hero is seriously loving my mom being here though. For starters, it means he's not left alone during the day while I'm at work. It also means he gets hours of indoor and outdoor ball tossing, and plenty of walks. He's happy as a little clam. Our guest bedroom is in the basement, and I wake up in the morning to find Hero waiting patiently by the basement door for my mom to come up. Every once in a while he gives a little whimper. "Hurry, Oma, I'm ready to play!"

It's so nice to know that Hero is happy while I'm away. It takes a lot of guilt and stress off my shoulders. I can't imagine how I'll leave a kid behind, when I can barely even manage to leave my dog without feeling like the most awful puppy parent in the world.

Not lovin' the Mondays

2010-01-25T18:38:00.001-06:00

Today I have a horrible case of the Mondays. I'm here at work, my mom is at home with Hero, my husband is in Florida. And I want to be in bed with my heating pad, a cup of tea and my netbook :( Or my library book. Any old kind of book will do. With my mom puttering around downstairs and Hero running back and forth between the two of us like a cotton ball on speed.

I'm off on Friday, when we have our 20 week ultrasound and find out the baby's sex! Hubs will be home with us by then, and afterward I get to spend the whole day with my mom and have a long weekend. Right now it's what's keeping me going. Only three more workdays to go...

Someone to watch over me

2010-01-24T08:31:00.005-06:00

Yesterday evening I came home from a day of errands, took a nap, and woke up to dinner on the table. I love love love having my mom here! For so many reasons. In the short two days since her arrival I've already learned more about my mom than I have in ages - for some reason I'm full of questions about family history, and as it's just the two of us in the house right now (Hubs is at a conference) it's easy to chat all day long. And the pampering is a lifesaver, I have to admit. There's nothing sweeter when you're pregnant and dead tired from a busy life than having someone take over for you for a little while :)

Retraction

2010-01-20T09:09:00.001-06:00

My mistake. The twins are 20.

Could it be?

2010-01-20T09:03:00.001-06:00

Last night as we were getting ready for bed Hubs told me Hugh Hefner broke up with the twins!!!!!!!! How exactly Hubs knew that is beyond me... he's not a celebrity gossip kind of guy. But regardless, yay! I asked Hubs if he knew the reason behind the split. He surmised that maybe it's because Hef is 83 and the twins are 18. I surmised that maybe it's because Hef is at least moderately intelligent and the twins are dumb as matching posts.

Feelin' fine

2010-01-19T11:22:00.001-06:00

Destruction of stolen property. Back to his naughty self :) Never thought I'd be so happy to see it!

Coming together

2010-01-19T11:00:00.002-06:00

Well, things seem to be coming together a little bit better these days. This might be a long post, so I'll bullet point.

For starters, our weekend was super productive. We finished off our guest room. Okay, not completely - we haven't really decorated it - but we did finally take the leap of getting a sleeper sofa so guests aren't relegated to an air mattress on the floor. We had a hard time deciding on how to furnish the guest room - bed, or sleep sofa? Single function or multipurpose? We finally decided on multipurpose, so that if need be (and second child should appear on the scene sooner rather than later) we can always move the study downstairs. Unless we decide to turn the formal sitting room into a study, but that would require the installation of French doors if I'm working from home because company policy decrees that I need a door on my workspace for privacy. And depending on my hours, being hidden away downstairs would be much more conducive to a productive work life is the kidlet's in the house. We actually had a fun Saturday evening at Ikea. After purchasing our sleeper sofa and arranging for delivery, we had dinner in the café - for $10! And it was a really yummy dinner! I had a vegetable soup that rivals my mom's homemade, and a pretty decent salad. Hubs had Swedish meatballs with lingonberries and those were some tasty Swedish meatballs (as is now customary, I finished my dinner and then started mooching off his plate).
Sunday I did laundry, finally finished painting the closet in the study, and got things ready for my mom's arrival on Friday. I was so exhausted by Sunday night that I fell into bed and slept harder than I have in ages.
Also, on Saturday Hubs' dad got released from the rehab place and came home! We welcomed him with homemade signs and had a family lunch to celebrate his homecoming.
In between putting up signage and lunch, we popped out to visit a church daycare open house that made me think I'd died and gone to Heaven. So. Wonderful. And so $$$$$. But all in all, things are looking up with the daycare situation, at least a little bit. I visited another center about 5 minutes from our house yesterday, and it was a step up from what I'd been seeing. I also got in touch with one of Hubs' childhood friends whose mother used to do in-home daycare, and got several referrals from her (sadly, she herself no longer provides daycare). So there are more options than I'd imagined and I'm excited (rather than dreading) to check them all out and find the best situation for us.
On a work front, I'm focused on getting my numbers where they would need to be so I'm competitive for an at-home slot. This means über productivity, and I'm exhausted by the end of the week. But I think I could pull it off... fingers crossed. The work-from-home program is becoming very desirable and the competition is definitely stiff, so please cross fingers!
Today we had an OB appointment and heard the baby's heartbeat - everything's looking good and the baby was moving around like crazy! Our doc had trouble keeping up with him. This is a huge relief because I've read a million things that suggest that as a relatively thin person, I ought to be feeling the baby move by now. And I'm not. At all. So hearing the heart hammering away was much appreciated reassurance. Next Friday we go for our 20 week ultrasound and find out the gender!
Poor Hero was sick yesterday! He didn't even greet me when I came home last night - he just lay on the floor and looked up at me piteously. He was lethargic and his belly seemed swollen. He just looked up at Hubs and I as if to say "Fix it, please..." It was heartbreaking. But I'm happy to report that last night he threw up, and hence this morning he appears to be back to his normal self - energetic (although still slightly less so) and with wagging tail. When I came home from the OB's he jumped up to greet me and pawed me until I petted him. That's the dog we know and love :)

And that sums up things with us. It's been a tiring few weeks but all in all I'm much more hopeful that things will work out okay for our future. Deep breaths and full steam ahead.

Almost perfect... but not quite

2010-01-15T08:32:00.003-06:00

This week at work has been murder, and today's not looking any better. I started off my day with super early appointments, so I was in a rush to make it in on time. I left the house at 6:30, and was making good time. I stopped at Starbucks because I can't take a day like today sans caffeine (and I am not one of those pregnant people who swears off all caffeine - I swore it off for the first trimester but that was mostly because I was vomitting it right back up, along with everything else I ate/drank for 3 months). There was only one woman in front of me in line. Everything was looking good until... she ordered lattes and cappuccinos for her entire office. Srsly. Her entire office.

*$#@&!!!!!!

Opened a can of worms

2010-01-12T16:37:00.002-06:00

I'm looking into daycare and so far am not yet finding a center I'm impressed with. Granted, I've just started looking so I'm not saying there isn't one out there for us. But I also want to explore the idea of a licensed in-home daycare provider - anyone have any suggestions of how to go about finding in-home daycares to review/interview? I know the issues with in-home providers (that licenses are not the same as accreditation, that often people providing the care don't have degrees in early childhood development, that there might not be anyone to 'watch over shoulders' that things are being done properly, etc.) but also know sometimes you can stumble upon a real goldmine.

Po-po, why so slow-slow?

2010-01-12T14:27:00.001-06:00

On my way into work today, at a time when there should have been no traffic, the drive was slow. Why, you ask? Well I'm glad you asked. It's because there was a state trooper on the highway clocking in BELOW THE SPEED LIMIT and no one (understandably!) wanted to pass him!!! Come on, dude!

I find that in Minnesota everyone, for the most part, goes exactly the speed limit. I had a state trooper pull up beside me one day when I was going 70 in a 60mph zone and instruct me, over his loud speaker, to slow down. Seriously? Well, okay. If that's the way you guys like to play it out here in the frozen tundra.

Exactly the speed limit is annoying, but I can handle it. But below the speed limit is just intolerable!

I know, I know, 'outside my circle of influence.' I just wish his influence hadn't impacted my 20 mile jaunt down 494.

Smile!

2010-01-11T12:55:00.001-06:00

Now that I'm no longer nauseous and throwing up 24/7, I was finally able to go to the dentist this morning! Yay! It's Hubs' uncle, so it's not very scary to go there. And my teeth are clean! It actually drove me crazy knowing I was overdue for my 6 month appointment, so I'm feeling a long awaited sense of calm today. Well, that might be mildly overstating my mental wellbeing. I'm feeling, at the very least, a long awaited senes of calm along my gum line. The rest of me is still a little tweaky.

Reprioritizing

2010-01-09T16:34:00.002-06:00

It's Saturday and I'm at work. I've been thinking lately, about work. About the baby and work. And about my career aspirations. I think I'm going to focus on trying to get a work-from-home slot before this kid is born. I'd been thinking another route - promotion. The two are sort of mutually exclusive. But lately I've been starting to think about how nice it would be to not have the hassle of going to work, even though I'd still of course have the hassle of doing work. I could drop the baby off at daycare in the morning and go pick the baby up at daycare after work and not have any nightmarish commute in between. One of the daycares we're looking at is less than 2 miles from our house - I could stop in on my lunch break. And it'd be nice not to worry about showering and dressing for work. To be able to start a load of laundry in between client calls. Or empty the dishwasher. Or mail something.

I'd really miss the people. I like socializing at work - I always have enjoyed forming relationships with coworkers. I have several friends here and many acquaintances, and I'd miss seeing their faces. But I think in the grand scheme of things, the tradeoffs might be worth it. I thought I'd need to get out of the house, to never lose this part of myself that makes me feel fulfilled. Not just the work, the going to work. But lately I've been exhausted, and that's without our latest addition doing much other than making it harder for me to squeeze into my dress pants. Once the baby is here, our lives will be so hectic if nothing changes. And I don't like hectic. I like calm, and I'm thinking working from home might offer me my best shot at claiming a little slice of sanity.

Now... to snag a work-from-home slot. I need to start getting ruthless. The gloves'll have to come off for this one.

Pushing limits

2010-01-07T10:55:00.003-06:00

Today my commute into work took 1.5 hours, because of the snow. MORE snow. My zen approach to traffic is really being tested.

Plus I faced two horrible words this morning when opening a new package of tights (the only clean ones I have after a week of wearing skirts): control top. Those two words are no friend to a pregnant woman.

Which brings me to another point: maternity clothes. It's odd, but I'm very resistant to buying maternity pants. I'm okay with maternity tops, since I love the babydoll look anyway. But I'm definitely pushing it by continuing to wear my regular pants. I don't want to do the trick with the rubber band, or buy a belly band, so I'm just wearing the pants I own that have a little more give to begin with. About two-thirds of my pants won't button anymore.

What's kept me from ordering from Gap maternity this week is that I'm right at the point where all those Ann Taylor Loft skirts that hung unworn in the back of my closet for years because they were just a little bit too big are fitting perfectly. Score! Except, this means wearing tights. And it's hard to find tights that are comfortable. I guess I could always buy maternity tights - that doesn't seem as scary as maternity pants.

I know my days are numbered here - time is running out.

A mantra to start off your morning

2010-01-06T09:22:00.001-06:00

I started off my day sitting in standstill traffic that added 45 minutes to my commute. Boo. I had to call into work to have them cancel my first appointment of since I wasn't moving an inch. It's hard to roll with the punches sometimes, but today I felt oddly calm. Even though things weren't going my way. I just sat back, listened to music, and daydreamed a little bit. It helped that on the morning radio show the hosts were having people call in to recount how they found out they were pregnant and how they shared the news with their partners - those are fun stories to hear. It also helped that yesterday someone said to me in casual conversation, "I realize that it's out of my circle of influence..." when referring to a potentially stressful situation.

That's my new thing now. 'Out of my circle of influence.' I like it! Traffic is 'out of my circle of influence,' hence, no point wasting energy getting upset about it. :)

Try it out with your morning coffee. You might like it too. It's good stuff.

Lamest pregnancy symptom ever

2010-01-04T15:58:00.001-06:00

Pregnancy nasal congestion. Seriously?!?!?!

What an unimpressive symptom!

It doesn't in any way make you feel more connected to your baby or like a glowing earth mama. It doesn't even seem related at all. And yet, I snored last night (according to reputable sources) and woke up periodically because I couldn't breathe through my nose.

Here, Mother Nature, I draw the line. That's just stupid!!!

One man's trash...

2009-12-31T13:21:00.001-06:00

is often another man's trash.

Last night we went to my MIL's house because Hubs' Aunt M is in town to see his dad. Aunt M is no-nonsense, and one of her goals while in town from DC was to help my MIL de-clutter her house. An admirable sentiment, since my MIL is, by her own admission, a major pack rat. But she's also sentimental and often can't bear to throw things away that have memories attached to them (and she could attach a memory to just about anything). So Aunt M had her work cut out for her. Aunt M is also efficient to the point of ruthlessness, so my MIL had her work cut out for her too.

The invitation had been for dinner. No sooner had we walked through the front door than Aunt M turned us around, loaded us down with boxes, and frog marched us back out to the car. "This stuff is all marked as Hubs', so it goes with you," she informed us, and we felt chastised even though we weren't sure exactly who had done exactly what wrong. No 'hello!' No 'good to see you - it's been ages!' No 'how was your day at work?'

The things marked as Hubs' were indeed things that had once belonged to him... but some of it belonged to him when he was an infant. They weren't necessarily his belongings, so much as belongings of my MIL's that had been used by Hubs before he could walk or talk. Like a 30+ year old binkie. Because we're going to hand that down to our precious newborn.

Now, being pretty no-nonsense myself, the last thing I wanted was a bunch of crap in our basement or garage. We're behind on house projects and are trying to de-clutter ourselves, since we have a nursery to create. Plus, in general, the last thing I want when I show up tired, cold, and hungry for dinner on a worknight (when I haven't been home all week and am desperate to be in bed with a cup of chicken noodle soup) is to be on the receiving end of an order.

Aunt M wouldn't even let us (or my MIL for that matter) look through the boxes before shoving them into our trunk. My MIL looked like someone had shot her cat. I wouldn't put it past Aunt M, if the cat were taking up too much space or gathering dust.

Usually I try to hide my feelings, since they tend to appear on my face instantly and can usually be deciphered pretty easily. Last night I didn't even bother.

Aunt M left this morning. She's actually a cool lady, in other respects. But she hit my hot button, and I'm still seething a little bit today.

Accept no substitutions

2009-12-30T12:22:00.001-06:00

This morning Hero woke us up at 4am. Not entirely out of the ordinary for him. Usually he wakes Hubs up around 5am in an effort to get started early on his morning routine. Which includes: playing indoor ball with Hubs for several rounds, standing by the door to go out but then not going out the first two times Hubs opens the door - instead just sniffing the air and surveying the yard, eating breakfast, going outside for real, and then checking on me upstairs in bed to make sure that I get up, too.

When he woke us up at 4am, I was famished so I couldn't fall back asleep. Trying to be altruistic, I decided I could do the morning routine with him and let Hubs sleep in. I headed downstairs and Hero slowly followed. Then he stopped, halfway down in the middle of the landing, and looked at me. I continued on, ready to begin the 'Where's your ball? Find your ball!' routine. But instead of hearing Hero thunder the rest of the way down the stairs behind me, I heard him make mad tracks back up the stairs. He then jumped on the bed in a frenzy, licking Hubs in the face and pawing at him, desperate to wake him up. Finally he just sat down on top of his head.

I've noticed this about Hero before: the boy likes his routine. He does not like change. Not one bit. It wasn't that he'd been whining because he wanted someone to get up with him this morning, it was that he'd been whining because he wanted Hubs - and only Hubs - to get up.

I admire his inflexibility and OCD-like devoutness to "how we do things around here."

In the St. Nick of time

2009-12-28T16:19:00.001-06:00

This morning the electrician came to install our movie projector in the downstairs family/rec room! Perfect timing, as we're currently buried under feet of snow and I'm so tired I can barely get out of my pjs most days (never mind most nights). Thank goodness for more in-home, in-pjs entertainment options!!! I missed the movietron, as we lovingly refer to it.

In other good news, my FIL is being moved from the hospital to an inpatient rehab facility - a definite sign of progress. The facility is near(er) to our house and directly on my way home from work, so it ought to be a little easier to stop in to see him. Plus (no small matter)... no more hospital parking fees!

Seriously, though, it's wonderful that he's improved to this point. Here's hoping the upswing continues :)

More than a white Christmas

2009-12-26T16:31:00.002-06:00

It's been snowing since Wednesday evening - it's late Saturday afternoon. Holy crap.

Yesterday we went to Christmas Mass and it was magical to hear all the beautiful music and inspiring words while staring through the floor-to-ceiling windows at the snow fluttering down from the sky.

We've spent a lot of time at the hospital, and had an immediate family dinner on Christmas Eve and an extended family gathering last night. It was a nice holiday. Hubs' cousin J just gave birth to their son a few weeks ago, so I spent plenty of time cuddling the newborn (when I wasn't getting my *ss whooped by Hubs' cousins' kids in a rousing game of Spoons). But today I'm exhausted. We took Hero to the vet this morning and then got some takeout Italian for lunch and then I crashed for the rest of the afternoon.

Tonight I think an On Demand movie might be in my cards. Hubs is off visiting his dad at the hospital and then meeting a friend of ours for dinner. Our friend A's husband is sick today, so since he begged out of the get together I did too - it seemed like a good time to let the high school chums catch up sans spouses :) And a good time to let the introverted spouses hide out at home after enduring weeks of endless holiday parties.

Winter wonderland

2009-12-24T10:32:00.001-06:00

Today (yes, CHRISTMAS EVE!) I have to work until noon. The kicker is that we're in the middle of a blizzard, so we had to drive in this morning in a wicked snowstorm just to work for four and a half hours. I picked up A and we barely cleared her unplowed side street. Thankfully, since no one else is working today, there were hardly any other cars on the road and the drive in was actually pretty uneventful. It's started to snow again, so we've gotten the green light to leave at around 11am. I'm crossing my fingers that the drive home is just as quick and painless.

The other kicker? I have two clients on my schedule today. BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE. Let the thumb twiddling commence.

To be fair, I could have easily taken the day off. I just didn't want to use any of my vacation time to do it since we're not traveling this holiday season.

Hope everyone has a great day!!!

Back it up, baby

2009-12-22T12:44:00.001-06:00

I paid a few medical bills with my benefits card (linked to my FSA), which at the time I thought was super convenient. But now I'm learning that I've got to substantiate all these ' so called medical claims'. Send in supporting documents to prove they were legitimate healthcare expenses, lest the IRS come after me with hanging rope and torches. (I got a nasty letter, can you tell?)

The charges that are unclear? Not charges from Walgreens (which, let's face it, could have been for boxes of chocolates or to cover a late-night milk run). No, it's a charge from Target Clinic and Oakdale OBGYN. Makes total sense to me. I often order my lacy underwear, iPod downloads, and decaf lattes from my OBGYN, but these bills (thankfully!) were for actual doctor appointments. Whew! This time around, I'm on the up and up.

To you from you :)

2009-12-21T18:54:00.001-06:00

Have you ever inadvertently billed someone for their own Christmas present?

Apparently I confused the 'ship to' and 'bill to' fields.

Merry Christmas Dad!

Reality? Check.

2009-12-21T17:47:00.004-06:00

Previous to joining the corporate world this past summer, I've always worked at a college or university. I've always had off between Christmas and New Year's. Not taken vacation days. Had off. I left my house this morning and stared enviously at my neighbors' cars, parked in their driveways because they were not going to work today. I don't even know for sure what they all do for a living, but they weren't doing it this morning. Hubs is at work until Wednesday, and then will be off the end of this and most of next week. But I'll be at work even on Thursday. At work on Christmas Eve! Until noon. It's stunning. I work New Year's Eve until 2pm too.

When I worked in higher ed, I always dreamed of corporate America. The perks. The benefits that we, slaving away in the halls of academia, could barely even fathom. The overtime, the promotion, the raises and bonses. The generous vacation packages and the fair and manageable workload.

Shall I wait while you stop laughing?

Welcome to the real world, Elle Charlie.

Thankfully the lights were low

2009-12-19T17:31:00.003-06:00

I just fell asleep at a Christmas musical. For half the show. Mostly because I'm coming down with a cold and I'm worn out and need to take better care of myself, but somehow I still feel tremendously guilty for sleeping through an emotional and dramatic musical about World War I soldiers.

Not-so-casual-dress Monday

2009-12-14T18:00:00.000-06:00

For some reason, I had it in my head that today kicked off a week of pre-holiday casual dress at work. It never made sense to me, since we work most of next week and the week of New Years. But I didn't question it, because I like casual dress as much as the next guy. Who cares if this week is not a particularly festive week? I don't second guess the decisions that come down from the executive suites.

Turns out, it doesn't make sense to me because it just plain doesn't make sense. The next two weeks are casual dress because they're both holiday weeks, but this week is decidely NOT casual. So I showed up in jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt feeling like an idiot.

:( :( :(

Longing for an empty calendar

2009-12-14T08:08:00.001-06:00

Hubs' dad seems to have turned a corner, and for that we're grateful although his prognosis is still very worrisome. He'll likely be in the hospital through Christmas, but we're hoping he'll be sprung in time to spend the holidays at home :)

It's been a stressful and hectic time for us. Hubs is buried in work and spends all of his free time (as he should) on 6W. Ditto for me, although I'm not there as often given my schedule. We're tired, emotionally drained, and unable to slow down and enjoy the holiday season. But I'm hopeful that won't be the case indefinitely.

One of my biggest challenges at the hopsital is that all food vendors (cafeteria, cafe, coffee shop) close at 6pm. I get to the hospital - after work - around that time and we usually stay until at least 8-9pm. A gal's gotta eat! I can't believe they shut down at 6pm - isn't that weird? And inconvenient?

On Saturday at a party we attended a couple we're friends with said, "We're just so bored all week. We really have nothing major on our plate - we need to find stuff to do." And today my carpool mate said she and her husband spent all weekend watching 24. I want to kill people who have free time, just because I'm so green with envy. I don't think that's healthy.

Then again, last month I wanted to kill people who could eat and not vomit instantaneously, so maybe it's just in my nature to feel bitter.

A funny thing happened on the way to the infertility doctor...

2009-12-13T19:00:00.000-06:00

A few months ago the IF doc drew our preliminary blood work to get us started with his recommended plan... and then called to let us know that, as it turns out, we wouldn't be needing his services at the moment.

Life is full of surprises. Just when you think you're all out of surprises, something amazing happens. I didn't think I'd ever get to experience a surprise positive pregnancy test, but turns out I certainly did :)

Mini Mac will bless us with his presence in June. (We have absolutely no indication that Mini Mac is a boy, but we're going with gut instinct for now.) Despite a very rough start to the pregnancy - think morning sickness x1000 - the baby is doing well at 14 weeks.

Tapped out

2009-12-04T06:08:00.000-06:00

With Hubs' dad in the hospital and our already busy evening schedules, this week has been exhausting. We're both running on very little sleep and it shows. I'm so tired I want to just lay my head down on my keyboard and never pick it back up. Hero and I are not getting along well; this is due to a combination of the fact that I'm sleep deprived and cranky and he stole my grilled cheese sandwich last night. Really not a good time to steal food from your mama.

Tonight Hubs has a guy's overnight trip to a casino in Iowa, so it'll just be me and Hero. I need to gather my patience before I go home tonight. I yelled at him yesterday for the sandwich stunt, and he's not used to me yelling. That might be part of the problem. We never yell at the dog (which likely doesn't work anyway). But we also haven't really found an effective method to discipline him in any meaningful way. Because he's so special needs, he can't really tolerate any kind of frustration or anger. So usually we just say "Noooooooooooooooo. Vewy bad doggie! No, no baby! You so bad!"

And he in turn looks up at us thinking I'm not 100% sure but I'm betting she's talking about giving me a treat right now...

I've got dinner planned with the gals, so that should give me a chance to unwind and decompress before gearing up to entertain the little monster all by my lonesome... It's amazing that someone so cute can be so dang naughty all the time.

Everything's got a price tag

2009-12-01T21:30:00.000-06:00

Mookie's headed to Austin to see my sis and her family in January and offered to fly me out with him for a little mini-vaca. I ended up saying no, but now I'm plagued by second thoughts. A long weekend would be a blur with tiring travel, a chance of catching cold germs on the plane, and not enough time to truly unwind. I don't have much vacation time, but could probably work it out with a creative exchange. But shortly after that my mom comes to visit, and I want to be ready for her trip and not harried and burned out. On the other hand... I may not get to Austin for a while and this could be my best chance.

I hate it when life, work, and responsibility are so tiring that the price of fun seems too high :(

Underpants gnome

2009-11-29T19:14:00.002-06:00

If you have a dog, this may not be an altogether unfamiliar scene: stolen underpants, naughty pup hidden behind desk, watching you watching him - a standoff.

Turkey, etc.

2009-11-28T20:33:00.004-06:00

We had a great Thanksgiving with Hubs' family. In total I think there were 30 of us there, and this year is the first year I can tell all of Hubs' cousins' kids apart! There are about eight to ten that all look very similar to me. I've gone to enough family functions by now that I can match the faces to the names. It was an early fall baby shower that gave me the final advantage I needed.

The food was good and the company was really fun. It was relaxed but still a more formal family event - a nice balance. My favorite part was when little five year old Sammy creamed all the adults at Wii boxing. When he'd knock someone out, he'd say, "Oooooo, that's GOTS to hurt!"

On Friday I skipped the shopping frenzy and went and got my hair done. It's a little piecey (the highlights are chunkier than is my typical style) but it's fun for a change. And as I mentioned before, it was long overdue. Friday night we went out to celebrate our 2nd anniversary and had a romantic fireside dinner. It was perfect - the restaurant was very quiet and cozy. Today we ran errands: a little shopping for me, booties for Hero, Christmas lights for the house, and oil changes for the cars.

All in all, a nice holiday weekend. I'm glad it's not over yet :)

Short and sweet!

2009-11-23T10:16:00.002-06:00

I'm so glad this week is a short one - I worked six days last week so I'm exhausted and the thought of being back at work is heartbreaking after such a short weekend. :(

BUT, this week is only three work days long and Wednesday is half taken up with Thanksgiving potlucks! Today is a packed day, but the rest of the week should fly by!

And on Friday I'm finally getting my hair done again - long overdue, trust me.

Double whammy

2009-11-22T16:48:00.001-06:00

Flu shot in each arm.

Good for the environment, good for Elle Charlie

2009-11-18T18:21:00.003-06:00

The verdict? Carpooling is really fun!!!

My coworker A has heated seats - all in all, success! :)

Is this thing on?

2009-11-17T20:04:00.003-06:00

I've been horrible about posting, even though I've promised again and again I'd get better. But I'm still not giving up (even though by now maybe I should).

So I'm just going to go on as if nothing (like, for instance, a one month + hiatus) has happened.

Tomorrow is the first day I carpool with a coworker who lives nearby. I'm nervous! I hate the commute to work, but I'm used to it by now, and I'm certainly used to driving on my own. Given that I spend my entire day talking to people, I value the alone time even if I'd prefer not to spend it in traffic. So it'll be an adjustment - albeit probably a good one - to suddenly be spending my quiet time with another person.

Hubs left town this evening for an overnight work trip. I hate it when he's away, although this trip will be really short. Right now Hero is waiting for Hubs downstairs, perched on the couch in the sitting room staring out the window. It's so sad. He probably won't give up and come up to bed for another couple of hours.

On a random note, I'm super excited for Christmas. The local light radio station just started playing Christmas music 24/7, and I'm actually happy about it :)

Exhale

2009-10-14T20:21:00.003-05:00

Halfway through the week! Wednesdays are one of my favorite days, because it's the only weeknight that both Hubs and I are home other than Friday. So I'm going to turn the computer off and spend some quality time with my man :) Oh, and with my dog. Hero likes to be included in everything.

Whirlwind

2009-10-12T10:24:00.003-05:00

Okay, I have 6 minutes to write this post. We had a whirlwind weekend up on the North Shore at Hubs' cousin's wedding. We packed on Friday, left early Saturday morning, and got back late yesterday evening. Then Hero knocked over a glass of bright red Crystal Light on our white bedroom carpet and the unsuccessful attempt to clean that up took most of our Sunday night. Needless to say, we're already counting down the days until next weekend, when we can actually relax.

But we had a nice weekend - it was beautiful up north. Lake Superior really is lovely and the leaves are all changing colors which made the drive spectacular. We stopped off for a hike at Gooseberry Falls on the way home and though it was freezing, it was refreshing to be out in the brisk fall air.

Now it's snowing, for the second time in the past three days. Snowing in October. I may never get used to this place.

Cloudy skies, cozy days

2009-10-06T09:41:00.006-05:00

It's been rainy for days. Dreary, overcast, cold, icky. I'm sitting on the couch with the fire going watching Harry Potter in the background and I'm almost forgetting I have to go to work in about an hour. I wish I could stay here all day. Although I've been going back and forth about the merits of working from home, lately I'm starting to fall on the side of definitely a plus. I'll miss my work friends a lot, because we keep each other going on the tough weeks. But I'll gain at least 2.5 hours a day when you count showering, primping, and commuting time.

Yeah, if I work from home I may never shower again.

Anyway, dreams for a murky wet day.

I had a lovely rest of my weekend. On Saturday we spent most of the day planning for our dining room renovations. Since the dining room decor will be carried into the kitchen (eventually) there's a lot to consider when choosing colors, etc. Then on Sunday I spent some time reading at our newly remodeled Starbucks, ran some errands, and spent the rest of the day cooking comfort food (mozerella stuffed meat loaf and parmesean potatoes) and cleaning while Hubs and my friend C hung out and watched a cute movie (Golden Boys, I recommend it). It was a perfect end to the weekend. And I was very productive in my cleaning!

I'm about to finish a book I really enjoyed called A Body to Die For - a cute mystery. The prequel to it is waiting for me at the library, so I'll probably go pick it up on my way to work. I was thinking the other day how much I love to read. I'm very grateful that people write books :)

Next week we get the movietron hooked up! That's what we've fondly dubbed our movie projector and screen. I've missed the movietron. It'll be great for the winter, especially this winter when we've spent all our money on IF treatment and can't afford to do anything other than rent a flick from Redbox. I'm a little nervous because hookup requires running wires through the wall, but that's why we've enlisted the help of professionals. And now hopefully we'll spend more time in the basement. It's great down there and the huge overstuffed sofas are perfect for relaxing and cuddling in for an evening. I just never go down there. I don't know why. I'm just more used to the other two floors of the house, I guess.

Have you noticed I have very little to say? I'm trying to be a better blogger but lately life seems a lot more boring - even though there's so much going on - than it used to be. It's very settled. Which I wouldn't trade for the world, but it doesn't make for very intriguing reading.

A change of taste

2009-10-03T13:27:00.004-05:00

Two random facts from my day thus far:

Hero ripped up my favorite camisole and I want to kill him just a little bit. I almost cried - I've worn it at least once a week every week for the past five years. I've already checked to see if Banana Republic still carries something comparable but it doesn't look promising. Usually Hero goes for socks (Hubs') and underwear (mine) from the hamper, but today for whatever reason he decided to branch out and try something with a hint cotton and some subtle undertones of spandex.
I now love Snickers. I've always hated them. I'm not sure what to make of that. It just happened last week, when I discovered some mini Snickers in a fridge at work that - I later realized - is marked with a sign reading "For board meetings only please." That's right, the whole fridge. And there's lots of good stuff in there. I had about 10 before I actually noticed the sign (in my defense, despite the fact that it's the only thing on the surface of the large stainless steel door, the sign was really rather small) and then had to shove all the wrappers in my purse instead of in my trash can so I wouldn't be discovered.

Blocked

2009-10-03T07:31:00.004-05:00

Okay, I'm not where I wanted to be with the blogging but I'm gradually getting better. One major obstacle is that I can't blog from work - Blogger is blocked by the company's IT team in an attempt to keep us all from clogging and slowing down the system with uneccesary internet usage. It's a recent development that Blogger joined the ranks of Facebook and lots of other fun sites. Fortunately when I worked last Saturday I was still able to order underwear from Victoria's Secret on comany time. Explain that.

Last week I'd been thinking that maybe it was about time for me to look for a new job. I figured I'd been there six months, it was an okay time to put out feelers. Not ideal, but given it'd be the only blip on my resume it could probably be explained away. Then I counted on my fingers and realized - with much sadness - I've only been at my job for four months. Crap.

Friday I had the day off, and Hubs took the day off too. We went to the aquarium at the Mall of America and then out to dinner. It was a lovely day, but we were both exhausted. Friday'll do that to you. I'd been out late the night before with a friend, splitting a piece of chocolate cake and catching up. Hubs had been working all week to finish some budget projections that consistently kept him up until the early morning hours. Hero, however, had boundless energy.

Oddly, things with the IF stuff feel good. Mostly because for the first time in a long time I feel like we're ready, and I think Hubs feels that way too. It's not a question anymore of should we?, just a question of how do we? And now that we're working with a fantastic and dedicated new team, they've assured us we should leave the worrying - at least the worrying about that - to them. And I have to say, all the hand holding is very welcomed.

Speaking of hand holding, my mom is coming to visit! Not until January, but she'll be here for two weeks. It'll be around the time when Hubs will be a away at a conference, which is how I planned it since I hate to be alone in the house. I can't wait to have some quality mother/daughter bonding.

As I type this, I'm in bed sipping my Starbucks and listening to Hubs breathing as he sleeps beside me. Hero is curled up by my feet. I can't imagine a better Saturday morning.

Rewind and press play

2009-09-27T17:19:00.005-05:00

It's Sunday evening. How, how? does that happen so quickly???

I had a good weekend. I worked on Saturday and had a decent day - I like my new office space and my coworker E and I were the only ones in this Saturday so it was quiet(ish). We discovered an awesome stairwell for doing stairs and today my calves are paying the price. Overall I really like the 11th floor. It feels right. Home would feel right-er, but the 11th floor will do in a pinch.

Then after work Hubs took me on our first date night (I think I mentioned in a previous post that we've recently instituted weekly date nights?). We went to a nice restaurant on a lake and had a very relaxing and romantic dinner. I even had a glass of wine, and that felt awesome given it was the only thing that could calm the horrendous cramps I've endured all week. All week. And I mean horrendous - no exageration there. Also I never drink anymore, and the glass of wine seemed celebratory and so indulgent.

It was just so nice to have a date with my husband. For the past year and half we've been, more often than not, like ships passing in the night due to stresses, adjustments, the aches and pains of our cross country move and general life uproot. It seems like we're finally getting back to being a normal married couple. I've missed that. It's a luxury to actually have some time to enjoy one another. It feels right. Being parents would feel right-er, but being a happy couple will do in a pinch :)

This morning we woke up early and watched the season premiere of House. Another adaptation to our lives as of recent (and by recent I mean the past 6 months): we never watch tv. Definitely never live tv. But we're always weeks late on the stuff we've TiVo-ed. For instance, I haven't seen the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy yet. That's just tragic.

Anyway, it was a great episode! I was actually really impressed with the story and the acting. It was touching and got under my skin a little bit. In a positive way.

Then I went and met with a trainer at the gym. Not lovin' that, especially given the state of my calves. Afterward Hubs and I took Hero for a walk and he encountered a cat for the first time in his young life. It was entertaining. He was pretty freaked out by it. So naturally we made fun of him.

The weather is very fall-like today, and I'm so ready for that.

Now Hubs is having dinner with his brother and dad and I'm about to take a bath.

All in all, just good stuff.

Equations

2009-09-24T21:30:00.002-05:00

After work swim + dinner out with a close friend on a gorgeous golf course on a beautiful night = content Elle Charlie.

Checked out my new office digs on the 11th floor today - love it. Very excited to move.

All in all, going to bed tonight with no complaints.

Hero's big day is tomorrow! He goes to camp, which is the perfect way for him to spend his birthday. He loves him some dog camp. And some toothpaste, but that's a story for another day.

2009-09-23T20:28:00.004-05:00

I got a Netbook! Hence I see a lot more blogging in my future - yay :) I know that may sound like an empty promise given my spotty track record lately, but give me one last chance! Now that I can get out of the house and camp out at Starbucks once in a while things should start looking better around here. AND I can start to visit some of my favorite blogs more regularly again!

So my thoughts for tonight:

Can't wait for this season of Grey's Anatomy - I've been watching some of the older episodes on Lifetime and miss the days when that show was actually good. It was so good when it was good! Last season was very disappointing though.
I'm moving my office space. I'm currently on the first floor and Friday I'm moving to the 11th floor. I'm ambivalent about the move - the 11th floor has more windows, and tends to be the stop-gap toward eventually working from home. But although two good friends from work are also moving, one of my closest work friends isn't moving so that makes me less excited. Plus what if I hate it? This job involves so much change - everything is always changing, every day. I was just getting used to my surroundings, and now... everything will be different again. Plus I've heard the elevators jam up in the morning rush, and I already start work at 7:30am. I don't want to have to add more cushion in to account for the elevator gridlock.
I may talk about the IF stuff on this blog after all. Why the change of heart? Because it's now at the stage where it's all consuming. We're at an infertility clinic with a fantastic doctor, and our treatment protocol is looking promising. He knows his stuff. But we're going to be living and breathing HSGs, medicated cycles, trigger shots, IUIs, and ultrasounds for the next several months and it's definitely our top priority. So... it's on my mind a lot and I'm thinking... that's a good thing.
Hero turns 2 on Friday! My baby! Growing up! Now if only he'd stop... well, the list is just too long. If only he'd just STOP.
I miss my mom a lot lately. I wish she lived closer. Sometimes the phone just doesn't cut it.
Hubs and I are starting to implement date nights once a week. We're pretty excited about it. We're both so busy all the time, and we need a little something fun to look forward to. Our first date is this Saturday night. I have to work all day, and then we're going out to a nice restaurant on a lake.
My friend C and I have a standing date on Thursday nights when Hubs is in class. We get takeout and go for walks or watch a movie. I'm glad tomorrow is Thursday :)

And for now, that's all I've got. It was nice to be back here on my blog for a while. Something familiar in what seems to be an unfamiliar life lately.

In the air

2009-08-30T12:52:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I went and got my hair done and then volunteered at my in-law's church cooking for and hosting several homeless families in the area. It was a full but fun day. One of my many goals for this year was to get more involved and help out in the community. I'm off to a slow start but getting better. It's so hard to donate time when you don't seem to have much to spare, but I guess that's what makes it all the more an issue of generosity rather than convenience. Several volunteers brought their families, which I think is a wonderful way to model for children the value of trying to make an impact in your community.

Things finally seem to be slowing down some with Hubs' work load, and that's a very welcome change. He was actually home all weekend! And we were even able to go swimming together in the evening one day the middle of last week. It's amazing how much of a difference it makes in the general pace of our life when he's not heading out the door at 6am on a Saturday or - worse - not coming home at all on a Friday night. Things are calmer, which makes me feel like the chaos we've been experiencing was in large part due to circumstance (me starting a new job, summer plans and travel, Hubs' hellish summer work schedule) and doesn't represent how thing will always be. That's a relief.

I've started the third Twilight book. I heard 3 is much better than 1 and 2, and 4 is the best of all, so I'm looking forward to getting back into the series. I'm big on the vampire stuff. It's fun :)

My colleague gave me some Irises so I need to work on planting them today. The weather here is completely fall-like - it's not even going to hit 70 today. It's chilly. I guess in a lot of ways I'm ready for fall. Don't get me wrong, as a Minnesota gal I REALLY enjoy summer. But sometimes change is a good thing, and I think I'm ready for a little.

Snapshots

2009-08-23T10:57:00.005-05:00

Some days there's nothing like a good bullet:

Hubs has been working insane hours, and most nights last week stayed overnight close to work at an apartment they graciously have for his usage as he's working his ass off and unable to spend any time with his family. Nice of them to provide accommodation. We miss him.
A few words on the baby front, which I've purposely been avoiding mentioning for many months now. The thing is, we haven't been trying. There, I've said it. Cat's out of the bag. No medicated cycles beyond that initial failed one, no tests, no blood work, no injections, no ultrasounds. I've been on the pill. I feel like a bad want-to-be mom for saying that, but it just didn't fit into our lives as I struggled to adjust to a new job and most days barring a rare exception Hubs and I are both so burnt out that we barely have the energy left over for each other, let alone anyone or anything else. I have always had plans for how things would be when we finally got pregnant, and I don't want to compromise on where I am in my life when that eventually happens. I know things can't be perfect, but I want things to be calm before our worlds get turned upside down. I want us to be in a good place, I want our home to be ready, and I want to be able to welcome the joy and happiness with open arms and hearts (and schedules).
All that being said, we're set to start trying again soon enough. Whether or not we go through with that is uncertain at this point, as I'm having some serious doubts about the timing yet again. But whatever we decide, I guess I just need to make no apologies for that. It's an amazing gift to be a mother, and some people try so hard to make that happen without breaks or selfish thoughts or doubts. I'm learning I'm not that person, so I'm owning up to that fact.
I also don't really know how much I want to talk about our baby journey, or potential lack thereof, on this blog because this blog is my place to talk about my whole life and I don't want to feel like I can only write when I have something meaningful to talk about. I'm full of fun, meaningless stuff!!!
I won't be eligible to compete for a work-from-home slot until December, so this first wave of lucky suckers doesn't include yours truly :( I'm seriously bummed. I'm hoping that a second round will happen in December, and crossing my fingers that it'll work out then. It rained a lot this week, and my longest single-direction commute took an hour and 45 minutes. TORTURE.
We have too many weeds in our yard, and today I need to get SERIOUS with the Weed-B-Gone. SERIOUS. Because in this neighborhood people get very edgy if you're not on top of your yard work. That's on my agenda for today, since it's not too hot outside and Hubs is - again - gone until around 10pm.
We want to build a deck on the house and do some landscaping to add more trees to the yard, etc. We're not sure if that'll happen this fall or next fall, but it's the first major home project topping our list. If only we ever had time to work on figuring it out.
We're wondering - just a little - why we bought a house. When I asked him last night, Hubs said, "It's just what you're expected to do. Get married, buy a house." Too true. But it's a giant pain in the *ss! Does anyone else find that to be the case? The cleaning, the yard work, the home improvement that even if you think your house is perfect initially you're nonetheless eventually tempted by inevitable dissatisfaction to do? You may as well get a giant black Sharpie and X out every weekend in your calendar! And the very worst part is, we're already talking about where we'd want to move next, after we unload this present burden and upgrade to a bigger, more time intensive investment! (As I sit writing this by an open window I'm surrounded by the sound of lawn mowers. Thankfully my father-in-law mowed for us this week, since we were too busy to do it ourselves. And by we I mean Hubs. Elle Charlie doesn't mow.)

I guess that's it for me this morning. Hope everyone has a great Sunday!

Like a bucket of cold water

2009-08-15T12:31:00.003-05:00

Last night my friend C and I went to our fitness club and ordered sandwiches while relaxing at the outdoor pool. Then we chilled in the hot tub for a while. Just what I needed on a Friday evening after a very long work week.

But what I wasn't expecting was C's confession of a near indiscretion that happened in her marriage a few weeks back. I say near because she nipped it in the bud before anything physical happened and cut off contact with the old flame who had recently re-entered her life via Facebook. She came clean to her husband, and they talked about recent weaknesses in their relationship that had led her to look for support and affirmation elsewhere.

But holy crap did it rock my world! C and I have a very similar past when it comes to how we used to view men and relationships: as dispensable and always replaceable with the next guy who was willing to come along and pay us some quality attention. So two thoughts rocketed around in my head last night: if it could happen to C, could it happen to me? And... if it could happen to me, could it happen to Hubs?

How does this stuff happen? How is marriage so hard, even when it's so easy? How can you go from domestic bliss to a near slip-up in a matter of weeks?

C and I ended up having great conversations last night about how things happen, how to protect a marriage, and the importance of honest and open communication. We talked about safeguarding your relationship, and talking about cheating with your partner before it's ever even a thought in anyone's mind - having it be a topic of conversation like you how you want to spend your money or what your travel dreams are. We talked about our pasts and how you need to be aware of your own vulnerabilities.

But talking about cheating and affairs is really scary stuff. I don't think of it often at all - I'm very secure in my relationship with Hubs. But I guess it's when you're secure that you have to start the difficult conversations of 'what if' and 'how can we prevent...?'.

On the one hand, I think it could never happen with Hubs and I because we have such a strong and nurturing relationship. On the other hand, as a child of divorce, I know that how you start out isn't always how you finish off. I keep reminding myself that it's all about choices. Love is a choice, not just an emotion. You have to make the choice every single day, and if you do, maybe that's how you get to your 50th wedding anniversary.

Spin it

2009-08-11T10:23:00.002-05:00

I'm trying to have a positive outlook right now. I have to admit, it's a challenge. I miss vacation and my family, and being back to work sucks. It's busy and hectic and every day is like running a marathon - I just want to drop into bed when it's over; I feel devoid of all energy after the fast pace and the constant interactions with people.

But I've determined that since - for right now - the job isn't changing, I need to change the way I experience my job. I need to have a good attitude and remember that it's only work. It'll likely get better once I'm adjusted to it - I hate change and new things and the learning curve that stems from that newness. There's a possibility working from home eventually will nix my crap commute. The situation isn't static. It could improve. Until it does, I'm going to make the most of it ('even if it kills me' seems to follow naturally here, but for the sake of positivity I'll leave it out of the sentence).

Back to life, back to reality

2009-08-10T10:45:00.004-05:00

Now officially begins the month of August for me - I'll barely see Hubs for most of it. This week I won't see him at all until Wednesday.

I hate the month of August :(

I'm trying to remember all the fun things we have to look forward to in the near future, but this morning I'm failing miserably. Labor Day, a long weekend in October... I know there's more to come. But the post vacation blues are full force.

It comes in waves

2009-08-09T17:18:00.008-05:00

I left last Sunday morning to meet my family at the beach in the Outer Banks of NC at Nags Head and we returned home yesterday. For a week I slept to the sound of the waves crashing right outside my bedroom window. I soaked up some much needed vitamin D (miraculously through my 85 sunblock), ate rapaciously, napped often, and read until I fell asleep with my book knocking me in the face. My sheets and clothes were salty and sandy and life was perfect.

For a Jersey shore girl, it just doesn't get better than going to back to the ocean.